and I would like to apologize.
I want to apologize for the readers who read my blog like 2 blogs ago? not this one, or the last one, but the one after that. where i had that big long rant about shit. Stuff was just on my mind and alot of things were going on in my head, and it probably wasnt the best time to write something. So I apologize for that.
Moving on.
Just got back from being out with some buddies. Had a good time, shared some laughs, shared some tears. Not really the tears part, but laughs for sure. I've kind of realized that it is hard for me to open up to people here at Stout. I was thinking about it tonight, and I dont really know why it is. I have one hypothesis though. I think its because I dont have really super close friends here. Yeah ive got my boys Adam and Kyle, but I cant really open up to them fully. Im almost afraid to? Im afraid of the rejection because I see myself as so much different from everyone else that Im afraid I'll be cast out as the weird dude or the hella excentric dude, and I dont want some negative lable like that. No one does. I kind of compared tonight with last weekend in that I was opening up to people way easier last weekend because I was around my super close group of friends. 3 of our original 6 were there(me, brady, andrew, and mark. whereas the original 6 was me, brady, mark, brian, peter, and andrew.) and I can totally be myself around all those dudes because I know no matter what, they are going to accept me. Ha, that got me a little choked up, but its true. And being with them last weekend really helped me branch out and be more social than I ever really have been. I caught myself going up to really cute random girls and talking to them. I DONT DO THAT. haha im one of the most shy dudes ever. Thats another huge reason I want to go to the U so I can branch out more and be the person that I really want to be.
Im not trying to knock all my buddies here by any means. I love all my friends here, its just that they arent my good buddies from home and they never could be. It sucks because I really want to be that person here at Stout, but it almost feels like something is holding me back? I dont really know. Who knows. Who knows feelings. Feelings. Crazyness.
Man, writing that makes me want to go back to 8th grade and just skate all day. Those were the days man. Its a trip just thinking about it. What I wouldnt do for the original 6 to just go on a skate trip to all our old spots. damn. And just kick it at peters house and listen to music on his computer. He always had the dopest computer. and that badass couch downstairs. his pool and mini haha. shit was rad. I miss that dude. peter if your reading this, COME HOME MAN! I know you cant with school and stuff. fuuuck.
man, some of these blogs bring me down. i just think about shit all the time and it all builds up and i have to write it. its really helped me though. and you can never be mad at help. Ha. Can you imagine is someone was pissed that someone else helped them? I wouldnt understand that.
I wonder how max is doing? he doesnt update his blog as much as I would like, but that means he is having an awesome time which I fuckin love.
talked to brian for a while tonight, that was tight. He always says some weird ass shit, but always so funny and cheers me up. hillarious. he is going home next weekend and so will I so I look forward to kickin it with him alot. going to the U would be fun. hopefully no ass kicking will be involved, however.
For this next clip, I kind of want to be straight forward with it, and kind of dont. I dont think im going to. I ran into someone recently and they were with someone that I didnt approve of and it sort of made me angry. Not that this person needs my approval for anything and they are by all means free to do whatever they want, I just didnt agree with their choice of person. But I just thought, hey, they missed out on someone else who is way better than this new person and they probably know it, so im just gonna let them do their own thing and ill do mine. I hope that was subtle enough, if not, im sure i will have a good talking to in the coming weeks.
man writing this stuff feels good.
i just get weird vibes from people i dont know at Stout. Where as at the U, all of the people were way friendly. I know, maybe my opinion is scewed because I want to go there so badly, but then again what if I am absolutely right? once again, who knows.
thats about all I got off the top of the dome right now.
I can holler late if you would like? let me knowwwww.
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