Bound by Nothing

Just finished a viewing of Good Will Hunting, but it was on cable TV, so I feel that took away from the essence and the actual feel of the movie. So im going to have to get at it some other way. I loved it though. Mini Driver seems like the coolest chick in the world in that movie. I almost cried like twice I swear. When him and her get in that huge fight, and when he starts to cry on Robin Williams' shoulder. Shit is deep.

His relationship with Mini Driver seems really awesome and laid back and something I would love to have, and it really got me thinking. Like, what the fuck!? All I really want is an awesome girlfriend. I have an awesome family, an awesome dog, the BEST friends anyone could ever ask for, can't god grant me a woman that knows all my in's and out's. My idiosyncrasies, what makes me tick, everything. Tank, my dog, probably has most of that covered, but the awesome things I like to do with girls doesn't and shouldn't really fly with him. Now, im not trying to be shallow with that statement, im just saying. It makes sense right?

Like, i have some good girlfriends. Krew+2 im talking about you. Emily and Nikki from school, Emalee from school. Its just weird, I dont know. All that keeps flashing through my head is the Chinese zodiac placemat things you get at the restaurants. Im categorized as "Dragon", and it says I will marry late in life. Thats no what I want to happen at all! I want to find the coolest girl of all time, wherever she may be, and really get to work and get on the relationship horse. I look at all my friends who have had serious relationships and it just trips me out that they have and I haven't, you know? Im not knocking them at all, its just like, we all have a lot of the same traits, so what am I doing wrong? So many questions and so few answers create frustration.

What also creates frustration in me at least is seeing an awesome person that I know get treated like shit by their significant other and they just sit there and let it happen. Im talking to you ladies, why is that? What is so great about the dude that walks all over you and yet you still feel so insanely compelled to stay with him? Dont you know there are millions of other guys out there that can treat you a million times better and you can both be happy? Its just so frustrating and it could be something that I never get over. Maybe they are just really good in the sack, in which that case proves that women are just as shallow as they say we men are. But I digress.

So about that blog post before, I was really ranting and I feel that most of that stuff could come off as kind of harsh. I meant a lot of it, but all of it needed to be said by me. I still haven't really talked about any of that to anyone besides on here and the instances that I mentioned in the blog.

I honestly can't remember the last time I was happy. And that usually isn't good. Granted I will have a good time with friends and family or whatever, but I can't think of the last time I was legitimately happy. Thats why I'm so in need of someone I can confide in. An outside party.

Ive got to change up this blog look, im not diggin it anymore. I really hope I have a cool dream tonight so I can just escape. Thats what I love about writing fiction stories. I can just write and escape into a world that I create, and Im happy with it. I wrote a funny story for one of my finals, and my professor gave me 2 A's on it. I was really happy about that. I guess that was the last time I was actually happy and PROUD of myself. Hopefully I can get somewhere with it, that would be a dream.

I've got to sleep this off. It seems like whenever I start writing on here its always so EMO and drowning in self-pitty. But im a Whisney, and we folk are too proud to talk to anyone about this kind of stuff. So for now, you readers are my listeners. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.